Mardi Gras Week! (Aka, One Reason It’s Lame to Live in Seattle.)

So I’ve heard Mardi Gras is coming soon. This I’ve learned from Danica Avet and my other Southern-ly foxes. But here in the drizzly, gray, chilly Northwest, we don’t do Mardi Gras. Our idea of “festive” involves fewer titty tassels and more pot lucks and drum circles.

And this makes me sad!

Sure, Seattle is clean. The people are nice. The crime is low.

We’re green. *Yawn.* And liberal. *Rubs eyes and lies down on bed.* And, well, pretty darn boring all things considered.

Part of the problem is it’s so darn rainy this time of year. As a general rule, you can’t go outside without Gortex in these parts till May, and sometimes as late as July. And, for those of you who don’t know, Gortex is not sexy. Neither is Polar Fleece (another Northwest clothing staple.)

You never know around here when this will happen:

(That was March 31st, BTW.)

However, don’t think for a moment that we don’t have our moments of spring celebration! We LOVE sunny spring days! L-O-V-E! People literally take to the streets around here when the sun comes out! The problem is we never know when that will happen. So we party in little outbursts that defy our normally somber and passive-aggressive demeanor.

I searched for a scene from what Seattleites call a “sunbreak,” but couldn’t find one. They happen too quickly to be caught on camera. But I swear, they DO happen! I’ve see people wearing Cat in the Hat hats, purple roller skates, fluorescent tube tops on sunny days.

Our big, wacky festivals happens at the only time of year we can count on to be warm and sunny. The first is the Fremont Solstice parade that happens at the summer solstice. You’d think it would be warm then, but it’s not always. The saying around these parts is that summer doesn’t start till after the fourth of July. Still, painted people brave the weather every year to ride bikes naked!

And then there’s Bumbershoot, which takes place every year over Memorial Day weekend.

Of note: all our wacky nekkid times happen during the daytime. In part, because we have no shame and wanna bare our goodies in front of G-d and man, and our golden retrievers. But more because it’s ALWAYS cold here at night! ALWAYS! We don’t get those sultry summer evenings found in other parts of the country. If it’s dark in Seattle, you’re wearing a jacket.

A Gortex jacket.

And you’re not looking sexy.

So happy Mardi Gras, you Southerners! I salute you. Save some of that warm weather for me!

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