So you’ve polished that manuscript and had your closest pals scrutinize your query letter. You send it out into the world, full of hope that someone loves your baby as much as you do. And then…duh-duh-duuuhhhhhhn…you get a rejection. Or two. Or ten. Or ten thousand. How can you prepare for that? How can you handle having someone rip your heart out and stuff it in a doorway and slam that door over and over and over again?
Here’s what you do. Get yourself some Big Girl Rejection Panties. Yes, you can buy them and even get them customized. (I’m sure you fellas could get some Big Boy Rejection Boxers.) Then make sure you have them on every time you check your inbox because you never know when one of those evil rejection letters will appear.
Not that I’ve sent anything out in a while, but I had excellent preparation for rejection letters. I was a competitive baton twirler and for some events, the awards were presented immediately. Imagine standing out on the gym floor in your costume (a jazzed up leotard with rhinestones) watching the other girls get the trophies while you do your best to keep smiling no matter what. Forget everyone else who got rejected, you just know everyone is staring at you and thinking, “LOSER!” Other events had the awards posted on a gym wall. You’d search, hoping to see a 1, 2, or 3 next to your name, but nothing. To make matters worse, you’d always see the results at the same time the first place girl sees her name and she deafens you with her squeal of joy. The writing is on the wall. There for everyone to see for all eternity that you are a LOSER. (Okay, just all day, but it sure felt like eternity.)
Or how about that time in the cafeteria when one of your close friends runs over to tell that really cute junior guy that you’ve got the hots for him? And he’s in front of all his buddies. And you’re left standing in the middle of the cafeteria while they all turn and stare. And then you get the news he’s already got a girlfriend. I so wish I’d had a pair of those Big Girl Rejection Panties then.
But I think my most memorable rejections come at the hands of professional sports teams. Or rather professional sports teams’ cheerleaders. Forget the jazzed up rhinestoned costume. Essentially you audition in a bikini in front of Simon Cowell types. Think of A Chorus Line and you get the general idea.
Rejection letters? Pssshhhhh (waves hand). Piece of cake. I can wear what I like and I don’t have to see who’s laughing at my pathetic attempt to get published. No one else even has to know I put myself out there. But next time I’m ready to submit, maybe I’ll try to recapture the good ol’ days of humiliation and read my rejection letters while wearing some Big Girl Rejection Panties….and nothing else!