Breakfast with Hermione Granger

Confession time.  You know how in school we had to read all those books like Moby Dick and The Scarlet Letter and Catcher in the Rye and Slaughterhouse Five and a whole bunch of others that I don’t remember the names of?  Also that rule about not ending a sentence with a preposition?  I Cliff Noted my way through high school.  Of course I actually read some parts of the actual book.  I mean, come on.  If I’ve got to do some reading ie. Cliff Notes, I might as well actually read the book.  Anyhow, it’s been mumble mumble years since I had to read that stuff and I didn’t really like many of those characters in the first place.  (Don’t even get me started on Hester Prynne or her long-winded author.)  Picking a favorite literary character and discuss something with them had me a little worried.  And then I thought, “Wait a minute!  I share my real birthday with that of a pretty cool gal and I’ve got questions for her.”

So if you don’t have a clue who Hermione Granger is, you are now assigned to read all seven of J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter books.  And watch the movies in case you want to “Cliff Note” your way through it.

Several years back when I first got hooked on the Harry Potter books, some of my students told me about www.jkrowling.com.  I had to fuss at them the next class because I’d had papers to grade but instead spent countless hours on that website.  Well, I discovered that Hermione’s birthday is also mine, September 19.  Which really is no surprise that she’s a Virgo.  She is a little OCD like so many Virgos.  Not me, though.  She’s also quite bossy.  Another Virgo trait, again not one that I have.  So, if I were to meet with Hermione (or even her film proxy, Emma Watson), it would most definitely be over breakfast.  Couldn’t you hear her telling Harry and Ron, “After all, it IS the most important meal of the day.  I read it in Hogwarts, A History.”  Plus, she’d be awesome at keeping my cup from ever getting empty, no waitress necessary.  “Accio, coffee!”

One thing I’d ask her is if the wizarding world actually followed the same zodiac signs.  What if they didn’t have Virgos and Aquarians and Capricorns?  What if they used the characters Ms. Rowling created like Hippogiffs or Grindylocks (not to be confused with Goldilocks)?

And then there’s that whole dropping out of Hogwarts issue to help Harry find and destroy all the Horcruxes.  Did she ever go back?  The school was pretty damaged, so it may have been closed for a while.  Did she graduate via some kind of correspondence course?  Did she receive her W.A.N.D?  (Wizards Achieving/No Degree – I have to give my friend Randi credit for that idea and acronym.)  I’d bet she’d be the founder of some program like that.

I’d also ask her about having Mr. Weasely as her father-in-law.  Since he loves all the muggle stuff and Hermione’s parents are muggles, she must be a dream daughter-in-law for him.  Though, I could imagine Hermione might become a little agitated with all the questions all the time.  And what do wizards and witches think of our internet?  Do they have Facebook pages and do they Twitter much?  Is there a cost for sending stuff by owl post?  And what do they call it if someone goes “postal”?  And probably in true Hermione fashion, there’d probably be a groan along with her telling me where I could find such information, but she’d still give me the answers because she knows them.

What questions would you ask Hermione?  (Don’t ask Ron because we know he’d shrug and tell us to ask Hermione.  Harry?  He’d probably use “Expelliarmous” on us.  It’s a good all purpose spell.  Good enough to defeat You Know Who.)