By Jeff Salter
At 4F1H this week, we’re all about humor. Some of the Foxes have noted practical jokes (such as you might experience on Apr. 1st) … but the alternate topic was favorite jokes. So that’s the direction I’ll take.
I simply can’t tell jokes. Ask anybody who knows me. I forget components, state the details in the wrong order, or forget the punchline … or start laughing and can’t finish.
But what I CAN do is copy & paste.
According to Wikipedia, these are the top three funniest (clean) jokes (and all have been posted widely on Facebook):
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
2. The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
3. While this was the top joke in the UK:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
I found this one elsewhere:
A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.
Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?”
“It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me fart.”
Top 50 Jokes Of All Time
[I just picked half a dozen that I liked.]
*** A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.
The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”
*** There’s two fish in a tank, and one says ”How do you drive this thing?”
*** I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
*** I rang up British Telecom, I said, ”I want to report a nuisance caller”.
He said, ”Not you again!”
*** Slept like a log last night… Woke up in the fireplace.
*** A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ”Is this some kind of joke?”
*** I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Here’s a 1984 clip in which the beloved actor, Jimmy Stewart, tells his favorite joke:
So which one, here, do you like best?
What’s your favorite joke which is NOT shown here?