This week we’re supposed to share our stories about wardrobe malfunctions. Having a job where I had to stand in front of people for most of the day, I’ve had more than my share of them. Some would probably make our resident hound blush, so I’ll skirt around them to protect his sensitive nature.
Anyone who’s lived through a pregnancy knows the challenges of looking polished while your body shape is changing drastically. With my first baby I gained 50 pounds. Towards the end I was unable to see my feet, so I had to rely on a full-length mirror to see my bottom half. Unfortunately, one morning I forgot to look – and I showed up at school wearing black pants, one blue sock, and one green sock. I may have had two different shoes, too – but that was a long, long time ago and I was too embarrassed to want to remember the details.
There was another time when I directed a children’s choir rehearsal at church then ate at the congregational dinner in the basement. It was Christmastime, and I wore a new sweater. The rehearsal went well, and I went down to supper feeling really good about it, and looked forward to eating with my daughters and church friends. But first, I needed to wash my hands. When I got to the restroom, I looked in the mirror and realized my purple sweater was on inside out, and the white shoulder pads had been flopping around all night.
At a hotel I once had a key that simply wouldn’t work. I took the key card down to the front desk where the handsome clerk re-programmed my card and handed it back to me. I searched in vain for the pockets I knew were on the sides of my pants, but I couldn’t find them. I thanked the clerk and headed back to my room. After I got there I decided to get into my jammies. Turns out I was wearing my elastic waist pants backwards and the pockets were behind me instead of in front. If the clerk watched me walk away from him he would have seen my pockets and probably had a good laugh afterwards.
I really do know how to dress myself. It’s just that once in a while my mind is so occupied that a step or two in the process gets missed, and the result is…interesting.
Do you have any family-friendly wardrobe malfunctions to share?