My Super Powers Would NOT Warrant a Comic Book
… and definitely not tights and a cape!
By Jeff Salter
This week, we’re blogging about special talents and/or super powers we wish we had. When I was a kid, it was all about flying, invulnerability, and X-ray vision — you know, the staples of the Superman stories. In fact, let me repeat here what I noted on one of the Foxes’ blogs this week — I never read any of the comic books in the Marvel Universe. To me, the REAL super-heroes and heroines were solely in the D.C. realm.
And I suppose I should get this out of the way also — no tights and no capes. Nope. Whatever super ability I possess, it’ll have to be possible with flannel and house-shoes. It wouldn’t be worth it to have super-powers if you’re wrapped in spandex.
The idea of speed is attractive to me solely because I’d like to arrive at Destination A without all the time and hassle of actually “traveling” there. That said, my super-speed would have to involve some travel means other than zooming through the air — thereby getting bugs in my eyes and teeth… and careening into migrating geese.
As a pre-teen, the notion of invisibility was quite attractive. One reason – often bandied about the playground by randy boys – was that you could sneak into the girls’ locker room without being caught. Ha. But seriously, invisibility would be cool if it meant you could be somewhere but not be bothered (unless you wished to be). But I’ve seen enough film iterations of the Invisible Man theme to know that they almost always have to run around nekkid — because, obviously, their clothes would be imminently visible. Well, if I were to claim this particular super-power, I’d certainly require it to include my clothing of choice. I don’t like drafts.
I’m not up on the recent lore of the super-heroes and heroines, but the last time I was current on their comic book lives, it was clear that they’d stopped aging around their 30th year. I distinctly recall the childhoods of Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman. Then, quite abruptly, they were young adults… and somehow their aging ceased completely. Never a gray hair on any of them — nary a sag nor wrinkle.
What Would I Choose?
Taking a cue from one of the Foxes this week, I decided to look a bit deeper into special abilities that did not necessarily involve speed, invisibility, and agelessness. Here’s what I came up with:
As a writer with arthritis, I have occasionally considered purchasing one of those “voice recognition” software packages — you know, I speak into a microphone and text appears on my computer screen. Cool… right? Problem is, every person I’ve communicated with who had one of those programs has said that the software doesn’t recognize certain words or sometimes has difficulty with regional accents. So how do I counter that with my super-power? I would be the first on the planet with Thought Recognition Drafting. Yep. All I do is sit and THINK about my plot and characters and dialog… and it appears on the screen. I need only imagine a scene and that scene is written out in front of me. And revisions would be a breeze with my Thought Recognition Editing: I’d just mull a chapter and think, this needs to follow that other scene… or we need a transition before the murder scene. Presto! It’s corrected on my screen. Sure, I’d still be able to type (to insert, delete, adjust, etc.). But when my hands and fingers were screaming from the arthritis, I could just shift to TRD and think my manuscript through to completion.
Photographing Things I See That Aren’t Really There
Let me explain. Most of us have seen images in clouds, or in the branches of trees, or perhaps the folds of fabric. But if you immediately snap a photo of that exact view, from that precise angle — nothing shows up but clouds, branches, and fabric. Occasionally, I’ve tried to DRAW the images I’ve “seen”… but alas, my artistic ability is sorely lacking. With this Creative Imaging Camera super-power – easily converted to digital, of course – I could preserve an image of what I saw… and show it to other people. [Example: You remember that face I saw in the pattern of the floor tile yesterday? Well, here’s the photo, so you’ll understand why I said it looked hostile.]
There are possibly other super-powers that might come in handy. But for now, I think these would do nicely.
What super-power do you wish YOU had?
[JLS # 381]