Spiders Will Try To Kill You

… One Way or the Other

By Jeff Salter

Some of you possibly don’t believe the true (or 99% true) stories I post on Facebook as Possum Trot Posts. Well, here’s one from May 9, 2016… and it really happened.

Folks, this is irrefutable proof for all you spider apologists out there — they ARE inscrutable, devious, nefarious, and they DO hold a grudge.

spider-in-a-web

I was heading to my coffee pot this morning for my fourth and final cup of coffee. Happened to go around the far end of the kitchen island because I had something in my hand to put on the dining table.
Had I gone my regular route, I would have ended up with a face full of spider & its web!
Yeah, he was BLOCKING my coffee pot. He KNEW how many cups of coffee I drink and he’d deliberated lulled me into thinking my path was clear. Had I not taken an alternate route, I’m sure I would’ve already been hospitalized by the deadly bite of the infamous Lurk-Near-Your-Coffee-Pot spider.
I googled it — they thrive on the vapors from soaked coffee grounds. Reminds them of home sweet home on the Brazilian plantations where they feast on coffee beans and grow to the size of basketballs.
– – –
Word to the wise: it’s the season for these and other tiny varmints… so be careful as you head for that caffeine refill.

– – –

When I consulted my scientist buddy, Larry Tuttle, he advised me thusly:

Tis the season for rabid arachnids with menacing mandibles weaving webs of woe. Be afraid, very afraid.

Some of my friends recommended I capture said spider and set him/her loose. Sorry, folks. If they would stick to the dark recesses of the house, I’d gladly leave them alone. But when they ambush me on my way to the coffee pot — it’s CURTAINS.

Question:
How do YOU feel about spiders?

[JLS # 382]

About Jeff Salter

Currently writing romantic comedy, screwball comedy, and romantic suspense. Fourteen completed novels and four completed novellas. Working with three royalty publishers: Clean Reads, Dingbat Publishing, & TouchPoint Press/Romance. "Cowboy Out of Time" -- Apr. 2019 /// "Double Down Trouble" -- June 2018 /// "Not Easy Being Android" -- Feb. 2018 /// "Size Matters" -- Oct. 2016 /// "The Duchess of Earl" -- Jul. 2016 /// "Stuck on Cloud Eight" -- Nov. 2015 /// "Pleased to Meet Me" (novella) -- Oct. 2015 /// "One Simple Favor" (novella) -- May 2015 /// "The Ghostess & MISTER Muir" -- Oct. 2014 /// "Scratching the Seven-Month Itch" -- Sept. 2014 /// "Hid Wounded Reb" -- Aug. 2014 /// "Don't Bet On It" (novella) -- April 2014 /// "Curing the Uncommon Man-Cold -- Dec. 2013 /// "Echo Taps" (novella) -- June 2013 /// "Called To Arms Again" -- (a tribute to the greatest generation) -- May 2013 /// "Rescued By That New Guy in Town" -- Oct. 2012 /// "The Overnighter's Secrets" -- May 2012 /// Co-authored two non-fiction books about librarianship (with a royalty publisher), a chapter in another book, and an article in a specialty encyclopedia. Plus several library-related articles and reviews. Also published some 120 poems, about 150 bylined newspaper articles, and some 100 bylined photos. Worked about 30 years in librarianship. Formerly newspaper editor and photo-journalist. Decorated veteran of U.S. Air Force (including a remote ‘tour’ of duty in the Arctic … at Thule AB in N.W. Greenland). Married; father of two; grandfather of six.
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14 Responses to Spiders Will Try To Kill You

  1. Argiope aurantia (aka writing spider) has been my muse for the past 10 or so years. They spin webs that look like zippers outside my window and I watch them effective catch flies, moths, dragonflies, even a butterfly once (poor thing). And the oddest thing is, while they are out there, my words seem to flow more easily…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. jbrayweber says:

    What an adorable post. Adorable because… it makes me laugh, shake my head, and say “Oh, Jeff” in a sweet, placating tone. I don’t mind spiders. While I’m not fond of them making webs in the house, overall I don’t mind them. I also love to see intricate webs lightly dusted with morning dew in the sunlight. Just fascinating!

    Here’s a super cute (short) video for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • jeff7salter says:

      cool vid — thanks, Jenn. Maybe if my spiders had sweet little voices like this guy…
      And, BTW, thanks for the kind words about my post.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Generally, I put them out, but I agree with you, it depends on the time and place. Some are just at the wrong place at the wrong time, and they get as quick and clean a death as I can give them, (often with an apology!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • jeff7salter says:

      I’m afraid I don’t apologize. There’s the yuck factor.
      Now, I don’t go out of my way to dispatch spiders. If they leave me alone, I do them likewise. For example, when in the woods, I watch carefully for them and simply go around their webs. If they place a web on one of our prominent paths, then I drop the web but leave the spider alone… with a warning.

      Like

  4. I don’t mind spiders as long as they stay away from me. I won’t go in my basement because I swear Shelob (the giant spider from The Lord of the Rings) and her babies are down there.

    I do enjoy watching spiders spin their website on the lilac bushes by the porch at my parents’ house.

    My kids think it’s hilarious that their uncle (who is in the Army and has been to war) will run from a spider. To be fair he has been in places where they have some very deadly ones though.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Joselyn says:

    This is why you put tall guys in front when you run on trails. They can clear the cobwebs out. Otherwise, you end up eating a bunch. blech!

    Liked by 2 people

    • jeff7salter says:

      in the woods, I usually carry a walking stick… and when the path is narrow, I’ll usually wave that stick in front of me as I move along the trail. Otherwise, I’d often encounter a nasty surprise.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Patricia Kiyono says:

    Spiders generally don’t bother me. But this sounds like a scene from one of your books!

    Liked by 1 person

    • jeff7salter says:

      LOL — I have a few spider scenes, but this event [which would have been forgotten by me, if not preserved on a FB Possum Trot Post] was presumably completely true… except for the part about the Brazilian coffee spiders growing as large as basketballs.

      Liked by 1 person

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