Networking vs. People Collectors & Writer Groupies


I have found lots of ‘Friends’ on Facebook. Many of the people are fantastic. Some of the biggest names in publishing today interact with me and are truly ‘friendly’.  In fact, I interact with some of the famous people more often than some of my relatives, old friends and not-famous friends.

I have an eclectic group on my main FB page, though I only keep around well-intentioned people. There is no way for me to agree with everything everyone says,  even though I am a Gemini on the Cancer cusp  Even with all that going on in my head, there is no way for me to be mentally split-up enough to agree with the diverse ideas that crop up.

I have found good/great writers, great interviews, great advice, good books and wonderful interviewees by friending writers and accepting their friends’ ‘friend requests’. My net gets cast wider and wider, but when and how to stop?

The Facebook page where I spend most of my time and interest is under this name, my writing name, my maiden name. I have another FB page under my married name, for the local ‘People Collectors’, as I call them.  “Are you on Facebook? I’ll friend you”-types, even if their kid was two years behind my grandson in Cub Scouts and I didn’t know the woman at all. And now just about every person who worked with or near me at one place has decided to friend me whether they were friendly to me when worked there or not, and most of those who were not suddenly want to be ‘friends’, (then they often don’t answer my comments!)

There are a few on that page from long ago with whom l have nothing in common. Their lives are not great and I haven’t the heart to ‘unfriend’ them, even though we seldom interact. Then we have my highly critical son and assorted ex-in-laws on that page, as well. If someone I knew previously finds me and I think that they will get along on my main page, I invite them to friend me over there.

That wasn’t a real digression; my question is about people who may want to ‘collect me’ because I am a writer or I know other writers.

‘Writer collectors’

Do you get requests from them?

Do you accept them all?

Many writers accept any friend request because it broadens their fan base.
I am hardly in that position.
I have been burned by non-writing Friends-of-Friends, who latched onto a writer because they thought their work was on the steamier side and, well, you can imagine how THOSE went. Now, I have been checking on those who send me requests, and if I think that they are hangers-on, I really don’t usually answer those.

Maybe I am not being fair; I have even deleted some request by mistake.

NOTE: I am NOT talking about ‘spam’ request, many with the phony military pictures. I delete and report them as SPAM immediately. I am talking about some “Friends of Friends”, which is the outgoing setting for most of my posts. Some of the best people that I have come to know started out as ‘friends of friends’; many of you reading this befriended me this way and I embrace you.

I am, however, talking about ‘hangers-on’; people collectors who want to hobnob with the famous and those around them. People who have no interest in writing , but read, say one particular romance writer, and think that anyone who is interested in her needs to be their ‘friend’, (even if I never read  the works of that nice person who is the famous writer).


I never expected to have (as of this writing) 251 ‘friends’; I almost quit at 100! I am so glad that I didn’t. I see everything from the greatest books, the funniest memes, the most touching tales, laugh-out-loud anecdotes, the prettiest scenes, pets, poems, recipes, you-name-it. I pray with people, share their joys, learn new things, watch other people’s kids and grandkids grow, celebrate their milestones, offer condolences for their woes.

But how many people on a page, with whom one has nothing in common, are too many?  Again, I do not feel that I am in a position to have a ‘Writer’s/Author’s Page’, at least, not yet.  I hate to miss new, great people, especially writers with whom I have good rapport.  However, by choices of FB, I only see a portion of posts, as people only see a portion of mine.

But now I think that I have been unfair to ‘writer collectors’.

Maybe I should see them as I see them as ‘potential fans’.

Maybe I should see them as ‘potential friends’.

What do you think  SPECIFICALLY of ‘Writer Groupies’?

About Tonette Joyce

Tonette was a once-fledgling lyricists-bookkeeper, turned cook/baker/restaurateur and is now exploring different writing venues,(with a stage play recently completed). She has had poetry and nonfiction articles published in the last few years. Tonette has been married to her only serious boyfriend for more than thirty years and she is, as one person described her, family-oriented almost to a fault. Never mind how others have described her, she is,(shall we say), a sometime traditionalist of eclectic tastes.She has another blog : "Tonette Joyce:Food,Friends,Family" here at WordPress.She and guests share tips and recipes for easy entertaining and helps people to be ready for almost anything.
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10 Responses to Networking vs. People Collectors & Writer Groupies

  1. Patricia Kiyono says:

    I enjoy “meeting” readers and writers on Facebook groups, but I don’t accept friend requests from people I don’t know. If I know them marginally, I’ll just ignore the request. As you say, we’re not seeing everything everyone posts, so I want to see the posts from people with whom I truly have a relationship. By interacting in groups, I can still “meet” interesting people without actually befriending them.


    • We have several Friends of 4F,1H that I interacted with for so long, we thought that we WERE friends, so we made it official People like that are one thing; hangers-on are others.I want to know about those who just want to friend everyone and anyone who is into writing.


  2. Jeff Salter says:

    LOL. I guess I’d never thought of this group in the terms you use, though I believe yours are quite fitting.
    When I first got on FB, early 2009, naturally I started out with a TINY circle of relatives and local friends. As time went on, I’d get friend requests from people I’d worked with, or gone to (1-12) school with, or known in my library profession.As those requests came in, I’d study the name — try to place the photos (if provided) and make a decision whether (A) we’d ever been “friends” before, and/or (B) did we share any interests NOW?
    As time went on, I realized that I was cutting myself off from making new friends of old acquaintances… so I began accepting those requests (even if I’d barely known them… or not known them at all).
    As for other writers and authors — if they’re at all connected with either of my 3 publishers, I automatically embrace them, because we have a common goal… to promote the titles of that publisher. Other authors I “meet” at book launches and other FB events, I usually “friend” if that occasion arises. I try to establish and maintain FB contact with as many of the LOCAL authors as I can reach… since we also have a common goal.
    Nearly all the “blind” friend requests — mostly the now-familiar scam with a brand new FB page with no timeline, no friends, no history, no info “about” them — I invariably report as spam and delete. When somebody contacts me and we share ONE friend, I usually suspect that as too dicey and figure that our shared friend may have been duped. If that requester looks interesting, I may check with our mutual friend to find out if they actually KNOW this individual. Often they don’t.
    It’s treacherous ground, which we must tread carefully.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, you have it.I have made mistakes and you can always bar them, but what of seemingly nice people who just want an ‘in’ with writers? I just got another such request; I notice that several writers are thanking her for ‘friending’ them; I guess they are looking to expand thier fan base. Many of my mutual writer friends embrace them all.I guess maybe I should break down my ‘friends’ into groups? .Seems like a lot of work.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jeff Salter says:

        I know several authors who have an Author FB circle and a Personal FB circle — and a few of them have acted in a way that seemed (to me) rather snobbish which I’ve tried to “friend” their personal page.
        After all, the Author circle is hardly more than a contact list to keep people apprised of your latest publication. One might call it a fan page.
        To date, I’ve had no need to separate my contacts into two (or more) accounts. If people like me or like my stories — and provided they don’t use my page for ranting or unlimited promotion of their own stuff — I’m pretty easy going.
        One of the things I love about FB — vis-a-vis authors — is that we can now “speak” directly to most of the authors we want to contact. BAck in the old days, you’d have to contact the publisher or know the name of their agent to get word to them. And hearing back was very rare unless you already knew them.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Emails to authors have not received responses, which I think is crass.It used to be that they at least had someone respond.For the most part, by FAR,I have found authors to be quite opened and friendly. Few have pages with which you cannot interact.I dare to guess that they have personal pages for family, etc. Writers seem to be among the least jealous and warmest of all occupations, especially in the arts.(There are always rotten apples, but they haven’t spoiled the rest)

          Liked by 1 person

    • At one point I had established a seperate FB page to accept requests of this nature but it did not turn out well. I don’t accept everyone, I do check to see what friends we have in common, see if its a fellow author or a fan, and will check to see what kind of writing they write/read before I make my decision. .

      Liked by 1 person

  3. When I get a “Friend Request” from someone I don’t know, or haven’t met personally, I always check out their page before I decide if I want to accept them as a “friend.” As long as the posts on their page are acceptable to me, I will accept their offer of “friendship.” Even if we don’t often communicate one on one with each other, I find it relaxing and enjoyable to view what pops up from them on my timeline.

    Most of my Facebook time is spent in my group forum (when I’m not working on my current story), but I do take time each day to scroll through my timeline to see what’s there. It’s like meeting people on the street. You learn a lot from new people. And they, in turn, learn about what I’m doing as an author because my Facebook group forum and my Facebook book page are connected to my timeline.

    Having said all that, however, I don’t accept every person who sends me a friend request. There are too many trollers and hackers out there. I don’t need them. That’s why I check out ever request, usually on Sunday afternoon. But I do not restrict my personal page to only family and close friends. I have personal emails for that.

    Regarding email. I don’t email everyone. I don’t answer emails sent to me from people I don’t know. Nor do I accept every PM I get. My email address is kept private for those with whom I intend to communicate personally. Other casual acquaintances, who we call “friends” on social media, contact me through posts and comments. In this way, I’m not stressed out over the volume of mail I get each day. It’s a big enough chore to answer all the emails I do get.

    On Facebook, I also have an author page, where I keep my followers informed of what’s going on in my writer’s world. I’ve had several people contact me through PM there, and that’s fine with me. My personal feeling is that most people simply what to find out what you’re doing. If they are interested in your writing at all, they like to know when that next book will be done. I try to let them know in any way I can without feeling overwhelmed with personal correspondence.

    There aren’t that many people whose “Friend Request” I turn down. To me, it’s like being at a book signing and meeting strangers who want to ask you a question about being a writer or about your story to find out if they’re interested in what you’ve written.

    So far, this system has worked for me. I have a lot of friends listed on my page. No, I don’t correspond with most of them, but I enjoy seeing what they do, and I hope they enjoy seeing what I’ve been up to. It’s widening my fan base as an author.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is why I specified “Writer Groupies”. I have more than my share of trolls and spammers who get shut down immediately, but people who have 27 mutual friends who are writers, (but who do not write themselves), are problematic to me; those are the ones who I find difficult to ‘friend’, but feel a bit guilty about turning down. I have accepted more friends-of-friends who are writers than I ever expected to. Those are the ones I wondered about from the rest of you.


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