It’s Only a Cheese Sandwich

When Conversations Don’t Go The Way You’d Hoped

By Jeff Salter

[An overheard conversation — from July 2016 — with annotations clarifying what each really meant.]

His words: “I got some cheese slices. Can you show me how to make a grilled cheese sandwich?”
            ** [His meaning: “I’m hungry. Please make me a sandwich.”]

This is NOT the actual sandwich of this harrowing event.

Her reply (pointing): “That skillet is clean. You’ll need butter, bread, and cheese.”
            ** [Her meaning: “You asked for instructions and that’s what you’ll get.”]
His words: “Uh, where do you put the butter?”
            ** [His meaning: “Are you sure you don’t want to do this?”]
Her reply: “Butter one side of each slice.”
            ** [Her meaning: “This is a teaching moment.”]
He butters bread, turns on the heat as indicated, places bread in skillet, adds cheese when instructed, adds other bread slice when told to, and flips over the whole assembly when told.
Her words: “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
            ** [Her meaning: “It’s a lot harder than it looks from the standpoint of someone involved only in the consumption.”]
His reply: “Lots of steps.”
            ** [His meaning: “I can’t believe you made me do this.”]
Her words: “So how does it taste?”
            [Her meaning: “Not as good as mine, is it?”]
His reply: “It’s okay.”
            ** [His meaning: “I still can’t believe I had to make it myself.”]
Her words: “What do you mean only okay? What’s wrong with it?”
            ** [Her meaning: “You didn’t do it right.”]
His reply: “It’s okay… nothing special.”
            ** [His meaning: “It didn’t stand a chance because you tricked me into making it myself.”]
Her words: “Well, there is one big difference from the ones I make.”
            ** [Her meaning: “Here’s the rest of the story.”]
His reply: “What’s that?”
            ** [His meaning: “Here we go… rubbing it in.”]
Her answer: “Well, you used American Cheese.”
            ** [Her meaning: “You should’ve bought the right stuff.”]
His reply: “You mean this only works with one kind of cheese?”
            ** [His meaning: “Why didn’t you say so about 10 minutes ago?”]
Her answer: “I always use cheddar.”
            ** [Her meaning: “Yes, different cheeses taste differently.”]
His final thought: “I thought cheese was cheese. It’s the same color.”
            ** [His meaning: “I can’t believe I had to make it myself.”]

Do you and your significant other ever have conversations like this?

[JLS # 538]

About Jeff Salter

Currently writing romantic comedy, screwball comedy, and romantic suspense. Fourteen completed novels and four completed novellas. Working with three royalty publishers: Clean Reads, Dingbat Publishing, & TouchPoint Press/Romance. "Cowboy Out of Time" -- Apr. 2019 /// "Double Down Trouble" -- June 2018 /// "Not Easy Being Android" -- Feb. 2018 /// "Size Matters" -- Oct. 2016 /// "The Duchess of Earl" -- Jul. 2016 /// "Stuck on Cloud Eight" -- Nov. 2015 /// "Pleased to Meet Me" (novella) -- Oct. 2015 /// "One Simple Favor" (novella) -- May 2015 /// "The Ghostess & MISTER Muir" -- Oct. 2014 /// "Scratching the Seven-Month Itch" -- Sept. 2014 /// "Hid Wounded Reb" -- Aug. 2014 /// "Don't Bet On It" (novella) -- April 2014 /// "Curing the Uncommon Man-Cold -- Dec. 2013 /// "Echo Taps" (novella) -- June 2013 /// "Called To Arms Again" -- (a tribute to the greatest generation) -- May 2013 /// "Rescued By That New Guy in Town" -- Oct. 2012 /// "The Overnighter's Secrets" -- May 2012 /// Co-authored two non-fiction books about librarianship (with a royalty publisher), a chapter in another book, and an article in a specialty encyclopedia. Plus several library-related articles and reviews. Also published some 120 poems, about 150 bylined newspaper articles, and some 100 bylined photos. Worked about 30 years in librarianship. Formerly newspaper editor and photo-journalist. Decorated veteran of U.S. Air Force (including a remote ‘tour’ of duty in the Arctic … at Thule AB in N.W. Greenland). Married; father of two; grandfather of six.
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22 Responses to It’s Only a Cheese Sandwich

  1. Sandy Davidson says:

    That was hilarious! I can’t answer your question though; you see, I don’t have a significant other!
    Sandy Davidson

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Patricia Kiyono says:

    I’m not the one who does most of the cooking, so no conversations like that at our house! But I’m so glad you’re able to speak and understand both the male and female dialects.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. If anyone has been reading me on Facebook, they know that this sort of thing happens at my house, and has been more and more lately! With all dur respect to you and my own, I think these are what my mother used to refer to as ‘Husband things’. She’d say, ” No matter how nice the man, no matter how good a husband , they will always do HUSBAND THINGS”.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. kathleenbee says:

    That’s so funny! Very perceptive of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. jbrayweber says:

    Hahaha! This is hilarious! And I agree with “her”. It was a fine teaching moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. All the time. LOL

    I remember this Possum Trop. Laughed just as hard this time about it. It hits home. I told you, you and Arnie are brothers from different fathers and mothers. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Elaine Cantrell says:

    We might have had a few such moments in our house, LOL.

    Liked by 1 person

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