Easy As Pie

I wanted to talk about apologies.

Do you have trouble making apologies?
Had you ever had people around you who would not, or could not, apologize?

I have had people in my life who found it very hard to apologize. They would bluff their way through justification after justification.

Sometimes, after a while or a day, they would apologize…sometimes they would not.

There have been those who would insist until the bitter end that it was all my fault.

(Blame the victim; how I hate it.)

There have been those who will simply forever act like nothing happened, no matter how bad the offense. Next time they speak, it’s business as usual.

There are those who then go all gushy or will do things afterward to ‘make up’ for some offense, but a spoken apology never comes.

I had a number of people who crossed line with me  and then apologized about it to my mother, my brother, my sister, but never straight to me, and each of them expected me to be perfectly fine about it when I saw them next.

(I kid you not; it happened with at least four different people.)

I understand that no one likes to make apologies;  I really don’t. I don’t like it at all. I don’t like being wrong. I don’t like not being a fine person, and I don’t like admitting it.

But I will.

I have felt the need to apologize sometimes even though the person to whom I apologize ‘started it’.  I have had some real kooks enter my life, those who enjoyed seeing me get upset. One has made me a very patient person because they would do everything to upset me, just to see it happen.

 I built up my tolerance for crazy people and button-pushers via the experiences with that one. 

Fortunately, the situation changed, and apparently, so has the person, who fortunately has been out of power over me for some time.

Nevertheless, this person would accept my apologies graciously. In fact. The person had told me that their family was impressed that I apologize, but that they would never apologize, and I found this to be true.

However much this family enjoyed being apologized to, and would say that they were impressed, they saw it as a weakness.

I consider it one of my strengths. Strength in grace.

So when I found myself annoyed about what I considered an encroachment by my neighbor who would not take a hint until I had to state that I really did not want his help, I offended him terribly.

I did not want to do that. He’s a nice guy. I just wanted the area left alone for various reasons.

I know that he was trying to be helpful and ‘neighborly’. I also realize that he is bored out of his gourd, as he is a farmer without a farm.

The Husband and Grandson gave me big trouble that I probably hurt his feelings.

 I decided to apologize, and to show my sincerity about feeling bad to have made him feel bad, I made an apple pie for him.

It wasn’t  too hard for me to go over, although it wasn’t a pleasure. He wasn’t home, so I spoke with wife and with his brother. He will be getting an apology straight from me as soon as I see him, (because that is how it works here.)  I know that my pie apology was accepted because the thing that he did which made me realize that I had done a bad thing to him was missing and in fact, when he mowed his lawn, he mowed past the property line the couple of feet into our property up to the garage and driveway.

Apologize, even when you may have a point in your favor. You’ll feel better.

Life is too short. Other people have different views, but all that matters is to be a better person yourself.

About Tonette Joyce

Tonette was a once-fledgling lyricists-bookkeeper, turned cook/baker/restaurateur and is now exploring different writing venues,(with a stage play recently completed). She has had poetry and nonfiction articles published in the last few years. Tonette has been married to her only serious boyfriend for more than thirty years and she is, as one person described her, family-oriented almost to a fault. Never mind how others have described her, she is,(shall we say), a sometime traditionalist of eclectic tastes.She has another blog : "Tonette Joyce:Food,Friends,Family" here at WordPress.She and guests share tips and recipes for easy entertaining and helps people to be ready for almost anything.
This entry was posted in advice, battles, blessings, Daily life, decisions, experiences, Family, food, free week, friends, Friendship, helping others, inspiration, Life, Miscellaneous, misunderstandings and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Easy As Pie

  1. Patricia Kiyono says:

    I’m sorry that you’ve had such troubling experiences. I’m probably not the best at apologies, but I do make an attempt when I see that I’ve wronged someone. And yes, I know people who don’t feel they are necessary. But as you say, life is too short to spend time stewing about how people have wronged us. Most of them will never change.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Jeff Salter says:

    Apparently I’ve had to deal with some of the same people you’ve been confronted with… though, of course, they have different names. But the same basic people: it’s all about them, they never do any wrong… and even if PROVEN to be wrong, they find a way to shake it off, change the subject, or launch into a different direction of attack / blame / gaslighting.
    In my work life — part of which was “human resources”, i.e., “Personnel” — I was actually stunned to finally realize that a percentage of the individuals on board were doing next to nothing (in terms of assigned / paid duties) but instead spent nearly all their energy “stirring up” trouble.
    Evidently their primary pleasure in life was agitating and then sitting back with sordid glee to watch everybody squirm and react. Horrible people.

    Like

    • I have found, though continual falling in one way or another with these people, that most of them are highly damaged. They don’t know how to feel better about themselves until they are tearing someone down,(generally, they were raised in this type of situation), or they feel helpless, (again, probably past trauma), and can only feel powerful by causing
      trouble, being the instigator.
      Others simply get their jollies by making others uncomfortable, it’s fun to them. Others of these are textbook narcissists; they upset people because breaking rules proves their ‘specialness’ and gives them power.
      This is why, hard as it can be at times, I have chosen to take the higher ground.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Elaine Cantrell says:

    You are so right! If I’m wrong I’ll apologize, but I’ve learned that some people can’t bring themselves to do it. In most cases I have to admit that it makes a difference in my opinion of that person. I don’t let it bother me long, though. Life really is too short to hold a grudge.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It really is too short, Elaine. It’s too short to hold onto grudges and it is too short to let yourself be walked on, or in any way abusively used. It’s the line we have to find with each difficult person, and to find the way to handle it for everyone’s good.

      Like

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