Our Friday Fox posed a set of questions that had me scratching my head. She asked, “Have you ever received a personal compliment (not on your looks or writing), that was unexpected or unusual? Would you compare those to odd, half-baked or “left-handed” compliments?”
Unusual? I’m not sure. Unexpected, yes. A few weeks ago I went on a road trip with some of the ladies in my church’s quilt group. While in a quilt shop, I heard one of our group telling the shop owner that I was good at choosing coordinating pieces of fabric from the many random scraps that are donated and making nice quilt tops. That made me feel good, and I’ll probably keep on sewing.
Compliments provide motivation to continue doing something, even when I’d rather put my feet up and read a book or watch a screen of some kind. I’ve received compliments on musical performances. I suppose that’s one reason why I keep playing. It’s nice to be validated for my efforts, but truthfully, I enjoy making music and would probably try to keep it up even without the compliments.
I can’t recall a specific “left-handed” compliment, but I’m sure I’ve received them. There are always going to be people who are unkind or unthinking, and I try not to dwell on things like that. I do remember a professor from my undergrad days who said (after I’d forgotten to show up for a couple of extra rehearsals) that I’d never have an ulcer, but I’d probably give someone a few. I suppose I could have been insulted by that, but instead I took it as a challenge and strove to keep my calendar more organized. (Full disclosure: he was correct in that I’ve never had an ulcer, but I don’t honestly know whether or not I’ve caused one.)
I suppose it comes down to mindset. Sincere compliments have the power to lift a person up, and a back-handed compliment, like an insult, can tear someone apart. But if we learn to let go and not let words hurt us, the ruts in the road of life become much easier to handle.
Angela Schroeder
Patricia Kiyono
Elaine Cantrell
Jeff Salter
Joselyn
Tonette Joyce
Four Foxes, One Hound 
I have no doubt that you have been complimented on y our music; you are so dedicated. I also am glad that you heard the fabric compliment. Things like that always feel good.
I had to chuckle about the “ulcer’ comment and glad that you took it well and as a challenge. (I was never late for anything until I got married, then we were never on time.)
Patty, I imagine that you would be good at anything that truly interested you.
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Thanks so much – but you’ve never seen me play tennis! I’m much better at watching it. Criticisms can sting, but when they’re warranted they can be a useful tool for self-improvement.
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I love that professor’s ulcer remark… and I’ll bet he used it each semester with a different student.
This quote (of yours) is an excellent summary of how to survive/thrive in stressful times — when some people are deliberately hurtful and others are inconsiderate (more or less) without even realizing it.
“…if we learn to let go and not let words hurt us, the ruts in the road of life become much easier to handle.”
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You know, I never thought about it, but it’s possible that he did have more than one ulcer-causing student.
As for not letting words hurt me, I guess I’ve always been an optimist. Some people are indeed toxic, but I tend to steer clear whenever possible.
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This is a tough topic for me. I’m still thinking hard about it.
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It’s not something we often think about.
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