“Come With Me if You Want to Die”

Your heart or your writing, anyway, because this week we were asked:

“Do you have any fear(s) that AI (artificial intelligence) will take over the production of poetry, scripts, short stories, novels, articles, reference works?”

Oh, the takeover of the machines! Whoooo…

Um, no.
I have been using Grammarly for a number of years because although I am great at spelling, I am lousy at typing. It catches most of my too-many spaces, finger slips, and the all-too-often hit on the silent engagement of the caps lock.
Now that I have Windows 11 on a new PC, I am totally losing it with Grammarly because it keeps changing my words without my knowledge, (I have tried resetting it a few times), and often makes insane suggestions that often totally change what I had been trying to say.
Granted, Grammarly is not the epitome of AI, but tell me how could AI write a true poem or other works with feeling?

Have you tried to listen to a story read by AI? As good as it may be, eventually it will pronounce the words for something in a circle or around, (wind and wound), as the words for blowing air and an injury,
and it will never make a true rhyme. If nothing else, there are too many heteronyms in English.
(No fear of computers making independent decisions. They are programmed; everything in them is programmed by a human.
Do I fear some of those humans? Oh, very much so, but I do not fear the machines on their own.)

I love a writer who can ‘catch’ me; it doesn’t happen very often and when it does, I fall in love with the creator, the book, the story, the movie, whatever.

How can AI, which is programmed, make a ‘logical’ plot twist, let alone a surprise one? How can they make a decent, poetic simile? How can they convey a deep feeling, a gut feeling, a wondrous feeling? Most people cannot. Most people cannot analyze their own feelings, let alone those of others, so how can AI get feelings across from one character to another?

How can it make a call on self-realizations? How can they beautifully portray in description a sunset, sunrise, seascape, woods, mountains, or the stars, never mind the feeling one gets when looking at them or the feeling one gets when entering a new place, meeting a new person, or seeing an old friend,
or an enemy?
Even in non-fiction, AI may be able to convey pure information, but not speculation, no extenuations, so it would be at least incredibly dry. Then, with no critical thinking, what comes out would be next to useless.
I mentioned in my comment on Elaine-the-Wednesday-Fox’s post that I fear AI making medical decisions and why; it is much the same as why I feel they can never write with feeling, or judgmental thinking.

Don’t even get me started on AI translations! Simply substituting words that are kind of like what you want to describe and throwing them together in the wrong syntax for the next language is beyond confusing and downright wrong.

What do you think? Did I make any points with which you agree?

[After I had scheduled this post, The Husband was at the computer and put a classical piano compilation on YouTube. I said that it sounded like we were at a funeral. After several selections, I said the pianist was terrible. He said, “Do you think so?” I said, “It’s lifeless. All the notes are there, but there is no feeling. Who is the pianist?”
You guessed it. It was done by AI.
I rest my case.]

I Want Books and Scripts Created by HUMANS

Don’t Let the Robots Crank Out 99,000 Words & Call It a Novel

By Jeff Salter

Topic: “Do you have any fear(s) that A.I. (artificial intelligence) will take-over the production of poetry, scripts, short-stories, novels, articles, reference works?”

What I LIKE about automation

Before I launch into whatever fears I may have on this topic, let me list a few things that I DO appreciate about what we loosely call “automation.”

I think it’s great for searching (whether you need to locate a specific word/phrase in a manuscript… or if you’re trying to identify sources which contain a certain “key” word).

I love that I can copy, paste, and save my electronic files without having to use carbon paper or a photocopier. [Digital storage of files, documents, images is a terrific solution to problems of space and organization.]

Automation is terrific for conducting comparative analyses. For example: suppose Abby at NCIS wants to check a perp’s fingerprints against the database of prints. She just scans in the questioned print and the “machine” conducts a high-speed check against all the available prints for a match. [If Abby had to do that manually, it would take until next week’s episode!]

Automation is a lifesaver for handling difficult computations. Remember slide-rules? Remember monographs of actuarial tables or mortgage payments or loan amortization charts? [Yeah, we used to have to deal with those figures manually… using heavy books, a calculator, a pencil, on paper.]

What already scares me about automation

I already have significant issues with what they call “predictive” text. I’ll be typing a word in a phone text message, and the phone leaps ahead to GUESS what I want to say. It’s usually wrong and I don’t always catch it before sending.

In Fac*book, I’ll be typing a response to someone’s post, when (all of a sudden) the word I’m typing is “captured” by the bots and they substitute some stranger’s NAME. If I don’t catch what they’ve just done, not only is my content horribly corrupted, but I’ve also inadvertently TAGGED that person with my comment.

A particularly frustrating example

I was having major problems recently (December) with a credit card company which had just sent me a letter concerning my balance transfer request from several months previously. It was late at night and the on-line “help” desk was closed. But they offer the robotic help menu, which they call “Virtual Guide.” So I type in my question. The bots completely misunderstand what I want and send me to a menu with several choices that have nothing to do with what I want. So I try again. Same problem. This happens over and over, no matter how I try to refine the wording of my actual request. Finally I begin to scream – using all caps – for the bot to turn me over to a human. After several more tries to route me to other UN-helpful screens and choices, the bot finally admits (and this is a direct quote from an actual “conversation” with their bot):

• Virtual Guide
• Tue Dec 12 2023 at 9:45:46 pm
• I know I am not human but sometimes that’s better – no wait times! How can I help?

Well, obviously, they could NOT help me with their Virtual Guide. Unless their notion of “help” is to keep the client going in circles until he tosses his computer out the window.

Use A.I. for those mindless sports interviews

I offer you a light-hearted – but could truly be totally legit – application for A.I.

Instead of media reporters asking the same old tired questions of coaches and key players in pre-game, mid-game, or post-game interviews, just plug in A.I. and let IT spit out the tiresome cliches.

Q: How did you prepare your team for this upcoming game, coach?
A: We trained hard, we watched the films, we didn’t lose our focus.

Q: You’re down by 20 points at the half, coach. What will you tell your team in the locker room?
A: I want to see more hustle, fewer mistakes, better defense, and more points on the board.

Q: Coach, people are calling for your scalp since this team has lost six in a row. What do you tell them?
A: This game is a team effort. Every player and every member of the staff have to do their jobs every single week for us to be effective. We’ll start winning again when everybody carries their share of the load.

—

Let me close with two excerpts from this excellent analysis by Mike Trigg in Writers Digest:

To-date, the most prevalent concerns among authors about AI primarily fall into three main areas:

1. AI model training—Rightfully so, many authors worry that their writing, conceived through their creativity, skill, and hard work, is being systematically fed into large language models as the basis for training generative AI algorithms without their consent.
2. Lack of remuneration—Even more concerning is the prospect that tech companies will profit from the exploitation of proprietary literary work without any financial consideration paid to the author.
3. Production of AI-generated books—As generative AI models improve at a seemingly exponential rate, the prospect of an influx of AI-generated books could curtail the livelihood of professional writers, who already compete with the roughly two million books published by human beings each year.
4. 
   * * *
5. “Authors and the publishing industry are wise to be skeptical, informed, and vigilant to protect against the negative consequences of this technology. But we also shouldn’t be luddites pretending generative AI doesn’t, or shouldn’t, exist or failing to utilize it for our own benefit. The inherent limitation of generative AI — that it is, almost by definition, reductive and derivative in its outputs — is the opportunity we human authors should embrace: crafting stories that are original, emotional, and compelling. Stories that understand and examine the human condition, elicit empathy, and evoke everything from fear to love. That is still something that no technology can replicate.”

Link for Trigg’s complete article:

https://www.writersdigest.com/be-inspired/think-ai-is-bad-for-authors-the-worst-is-yet-to-come?oly_enc_id=6244G2876612G4A

Question:

What about YOU? Are you concerned about the effect of A.I. on writing, authors, originality, etc.?

[JLS # 691]

What’s Your Opinion on AI?

Most people in this country know what AI is, but if you don’t know here’s a simple definition. AI provides a computer program the ability to think and learn on its own. It’s getting machines to do things that humans normally do. So, is AI a good thing or a bad thing. Let’s look at a few examples.

Medicine might benefit by AI. Doctors might make a mistake, but AI can do operations with better precision. AI might do repetitive chores in say a factory. We already use AI in many ways and don’t know it.For example Google Maps or Siri.

Sound like a good idea, right? Well, I don’t know. An AI robot might replace jobs that people need to survive. AI might be applied to education, but after seeing students learned during the pandemic I definitely think the kids are better off with a teacher in the room.

For a writer or artist, though, we worry that AI might replace traditionally written books and painting. It could really happen, but I’m not much worried about it. AI can only use data programmed into it. It’s doubtful that it could ever rival the creativity of a real person. I don’t think any machine could ever replicate human emotion.

What about you? Can you list the ways you already use AI?

For more information you can go to Advantages and Disabilities of AI at https://www.simplilearn.com/advantages-and-disadvantages-of-artificial-intelligence-article That’s a simple explanation of What AI is or isn’t.

Writing is Art

Image from Depositphotos.com

Our resident hound asked a question that’s been making the rounds in the writing world: “Do you have any fear(s) that A.I. (artificial intelligence) will take-over the production of poetry, scripts, short-stories, novels, articles, reference works?” 

I’m not a worrier by nature. That doesn’t mean I have a lackadaisical approach to everything. I lock my doors, pay my bills, and wash my hands regularly. I don’t post my phone number or identification on social media. But I don’t spend a lot of time on “What if” type questions, especially when they relate to things I would have absolutely no control over.  

I do know about AI based programs like ChatGPT, which I’m certain a few of my university students have used to write some of their papers. When a college freshman who claims to have had no background in music is asked to write a description of a performance and then turns in a paper containing a musical analysis using vocabulary that has never been introduced in class, it’s obvious the work wasn’t done by said student – or any of her friends.

I’m also aware of companies that have been accused of using published works (presumably pirated books) to train AI systems, and that several of the authors of those books have filed a lawsuit. A list of books and authors included in that group was published, and I’m thankful mine weren’t among them. But can a machine actually replace human creativity? I don’t think so. However, in an effort to respond to the question in a thoughtful manner, I decided to do some more research. 

I found several articles discussing the feasibility of an AI takeover. Most agreed that artificial intelligence is good for generating reports. In other words, it’s useful for delivering factual information where personal insight is not needed.  

Lucy Marino, Executive Director at Robert Half Employment Agency, seems to agree. She writes, “While AI can assist artists in the creative process and expand the possibilities of art-making, it’s not going to replace artists. Instead, there is great potential for a collaborative relationship between artists and AI, where AI serves as a powerful tool to enhance the creative process.” (Retrieved 4.12.24)

I found several similar responses on Quora, but the one that resonated most for me was from Jovita Elveera Mendonca, a writer from Mumbai. I thought her answer was so apt that I made part of it into a meme:

So in conclusion, my answer is no, I’m not worried about being replaced (at least, not as a writer) by Artificial Intelligence.

The Z That Stands For…

If you grew up in America and are of a certain age, you not only know the answer, you probably sang it in your head.

We all watched, or at least heard, the theme to the Zorro series that ran in the later
1950s and reran in the early 1960s on Disney.

There have been cartoons, movies, and several attempts at other series since, but that one is a classic to those of us who were kids in that era. In fact, the chubby baby doll I received on one of those years’ Christmases reminded me so much of the dumb but cutely portrayed Sargeant Garcia that I called her “Garci”.

Garcia was a blowhard who insisted that he would get Zorro. In the meantime, the dullard has no idea that by ingratiating himself to Don Diego,(Zorro’s alter ego), and bragging while drinking with him, he was giving all the plans and theories about Zorro to the man himself. In the books, he is not so cute, and his name is “Gonzales”.

(I fear that, had the character’s name not been changed, my poor doll might have been called “Gonzi”.)

The BookTuber to whom I have previously referred brought up the book, “The Mark of Zorro” aka, “The Curse of Capistrano”and its subsequent stories. Since I was looking for something different and light to listen to while I went about my cleaning, I found the book in a Librevox recording.

Before I say anything more, I have to state that I winced or got angry several times while listening. It certainly glorified Old Spanish California, which we know was not all that it was cut out to be. It is racist; the Indians are portrayed as ignorant children at best or vile ignoramuses at worst.

It is also classist. Peons fare no better than the Indians and oh-my-goodness, you couldn’t possibly jail the elites with drunken Indians and ‘fallen women’! I have no sympathy, even if the titled ones were railroaded. (Why were the women ‘fallen’? Do you think they chose that life? Why were the Indians, drunkards? Their land was stolen, they were treated as slaves and worse.)

I better get off the soapbox because otherwise, “The Mark of Zorro” is a really good book! It is well-written, very well-written. I found it otherwise totally enjoyable, with adventure, suspense, romance, and humor.

If you don’t know the story, here it is: A young nobleman, Don Diego, was under pressure from his father to marry and continue their, (ill-gotten, but we’ll bypass that), estates, wealth, and position. Diego appeared to everyone as a total fop. If his manhood was not taken into question, his manliness certainly was.

In fact, he seemed to be a weakling and a spoiled coward.

When a terrible and terribly short series of Zorro’s son taking over was aired,nI tried to watch it, as the elder Zorro was a favorite of mine, (Henry Darrow). I only watched a few minutes, as I thought it was over-the-top, with him actually holding a lace handkerchief to his nose. Well, I was wrong, because in the book, Don Diego does just that. He reluctantly approached a neighbor, another nobleman and a friend of the family. This man had fallen out of favor with the governor and his people for behaving decently. He also happens to have a beautiful daughter.

Senorita Lolita is also smart. She likeed the handsome Diego if only he would have shown any manliness or at least ardor in his approach. The man seemed to be lacking in any feelings whatsoever. She tried, she really tried, for herself, and for her family’s sake, but Diego seemed hopeless. However, a new captain of the army arrived who would fill the bill for her father, but she found that he was a brute who tried to force himself upon her, trashed her reputation, and made false charges against her father and family.

Entered Zorro, who not only avenged the ill-used Indians and peons, he rescued Lolita. He was everything that Diego was not in the manliness department. She made herself rather available to him, yet he declined. He is a true gentleman, but his kiss on her hand is enough to inflame her passion and love. Lolita, who will not marry Diego simply for his money or to save her family, is also no wimp. She was not above action either to try to save herself as she tried to fight off the captain and later on, she showed great moxie! I liked her more than I ever would have thought.

I hate a woman who only screams or cringes in a corner, but that does not describe Lolita, in fact, she actually risks everything to save Zorro at some point, offers to secretly meet him at others, and even elope.

As much as I enjoyed the writing and most of the characters, I will not be pursuing subsequent stories. The end was a good ending, and, frankly, I don’t want to see/hear any more of the glories of the “nobility”, nor the pathetic way the oppressed were described.

Still, for the writing and for a truly romantic story, I would recommend The Mark of Zorro, even though it took about three-quarters of the way for Zorro to make his mark, which he always did with impunity in the series, cartoons, and movies.

How do you know “Zorro”? Do you know the books? I imagine it was a great treat for boys of a certain time.

I would have read the book to my boys, but with social commentary!

I may look into other of Johnston McCulley’s works.

Featuring An Excellent Novel

Kill the Competition by Stephanie Bond

By Jeff Salter

Having no familiarity with this author’s sizeable backlist, I didn’t know what to expect… but this title popped up on my Kindle last month. And I’m VERY glad it did!

I would describe this novel as “contemporary” fiction with office intrigue, social and working relationships, romantic beginnings, humor… and a murder.

New to her company, Belinda has transplanted herself from Ohio to Atlanta… desperately seeking a new start after escaping a mortifying situation. In her first two months, she has already wrecked her car and met two hunky guys who are definitely interested in her. Those two know each other, but won’t explain (to her) in what context… or why they dislike/mistrust each other.

Belinda also has to contend with a pesky, flirty male neighbor… and the pet cat of her almost-ex-husband. You see, she was almost married – left at the altar, without explanation from the ex.

With all her other adjustments, Belinda also joins a carpool with three other – very diverse – ladies who work at the same downtown company. They are among the several quirky characters, a few of whom you may partly recognize from your own workplaces. Almost everybody she encounters has a secret… some of which are the worst-kept secrets at her new company. There are office politics galore — typical workplace drama and stress. Belinda’s boss is toxic and manipulative and I didn’t trust that boss even though Belinda apparently did… at first.

Belinda is soon faced with multiple dilemmas: (A) her personal integrity vs. job security and promotion, (B) relationship possibilities with two hunky guys, and (C) the mysterious departures of previous employees, including one who’d died on the company premises.

There are several humorous scenes, including the periodic phone calls from Belinda’s (somewhat) daffy mother. And Belinda often has wry observations about people or situations.

About halfway through the story the new murder takes place… and it would SPOIL things to explain why Belinda and her car pool members are among the chief suspects. I immediately guessed the murderer… and I turned out to be wrong. [That’s a “plus” for me (in any fictional mystery), to be proven wrong… because it speaks to the skill of the author.]

I found the story very nicely plotted with a dandy twist at the end… and I enjoyed the humor throughout.

One caveat: Belinda receives an envelope from her almost-ex… and it sits (unopened) on her counter for most of the story. I don’t know any individual who’d be able to walk past that envelope for all those days without tearing it open. To learn whether Belinda did, or didn’t, open it… you’ll have to read the story for yourself. At the end of my edition, the author has a note about why she handled this the way she did.

BLURB:

Good girls finish last…

That’s Belinda Hennessey’s new philosophy in life, work, and love after moving to Atlanta to escape a disastrous six-hour marriage. Now she has a killer job, spunky carpooling gal-pals, and the velvety voice of a traffic helicopter reporter to guide her on her way. She’s even feeling lively enough to contribute to the manual on relationships and men her friends are writing to kill time during their commute.

But then a traffic mishap with a drop-dead gorgeous cop unleashes a series of events that bolsters Belinda’s new bad-girl attitude — she gets a tune-up from “Officer Goodbody,” catches the eye of the throaty traffic reporter, and is targeted for a big promotion. But before Belinda can say “corner office,” a coworker is murdered, and evidence points to a carpool conspiracy! With a killer on the loose, her friends at one another’s throats, and two men offering southern comfort, Belinda knows only one thing for certain: climbing to the top can be murder on a girl.

Other Reviews

The professional review excerpts on this novel are terrific. I won’t reprint them here, but you can find them on the Am*zon site, in the place where a blurb would normally appear.

[JLS # 690]

Review: Cream Caramel and Murder

Blurb:

With its stunning turrets and beautiful rose gardens, I always thought Audley Castle was perfect, set in the idyllic English village of Audley St. Mary. It’s a place I love to call home. But behind the trimmed hedgerows, stately gardens, and birdsong, a killer is waiting…

After being forced to close my charming café in this quaint little village, I’m thrilled to get a job in the Audley Castle kitchens, making divine treats for visitors and serving the Audley family who live in the castle.

The joy fades when I take my beloved dog for a walk, and he leads us to the body of a family friend, Kendal Jakes. Seemingly caught in the act of tampering with evidence by the castle’s security team, I become the number one murder suspect! It’ll take more than my skills with a piping bag to solve this crisis.

As fingers get pointed at me, I have no choice but to take matters into my flour-covered hands and clear my name. As I snoop, I discover old rivalry, jealousy, and long-standing grudges.

Having mastered the art of creating a perfectly fluffy souffle, I’m known for my determination to get things right, and I won’t rest until I uncover the truth about this murder. Even if doing so puts me in the killer’s line of sight.

My Review:

This is my first experience with K.E. O’Connor’s work, and I did enjoy the book. It’s definitely a cozy mystery, but the characters may surprise you. The connection to royalty was very different from the traditional view. The family may be royalty, but it sure is an updated kind of royalty. I liked it, though. The heroine’s dog, Meatball is a nice character as well.The book was a quick read, but if the author had dragged it out it wouldn’t have been as much fun. If you’re interested in a mystery set in a castle that may be haunted, grandmothers locked in the turret (maybe), some twists and turns as you go, and of course baking, you’ll like this one. Oh, and don’t forget Lord Rupert. He’s definitely got an eye on Holly.

Does it sound like your cup of of tea/

Guest Author: Kris Bock and Pride and Prejudice at The Cat Café

Kris Bock is a prolific author and fellow member of the Marketing for Romance Writers group. When she recently announced the title of her new release I had to find out more. I’ve seen and heard about variations on classics such as Pride and Prejudice, and I’ve read several series featuring cats, but this was an interesting combination. Kris’ Furrever Friends series of sweet romances centered around a cafe, but this is the first one with a nod to Jane Austen. I asked Kris to tell us about why she chose to write an adaptation of a classic, and she kindly responded.

****

The  original is still enjoyed for the humor and the happy ending. Many characters fit today’s popular tropes. Darcy is a typical billionaire boss type – rich, powerful, and chilly, but he will do anything for the woman he loves. Lizzie is prickly, witty, proud of her independence and cleverness, and not willing to settle. It works well for modernizations because those kinds of characters are still popular today. Plus you get the enemies to lovers trope. The original feels modern in a lot of ways, even though it was published in 1813.  

While the characters are still relatable, a lot of the events don’t work as well today. The Bennet sisters don’t have careers. We wouldn’t want a teenager who was seduced by a scoundrel to marry him. That means a modern adaptation has plenty of room to play. I was already writing a sweet romance series set around a cat café, which gave me a great starting point for developing my story. It was incredibly fun to figure out what works now, what should be changed or cut entirely, and which characters should be turned into cats.

Excerpt:
The cat Lydia started winding around William’s ankles. He grimaced, looking as if a stranger was trying to use his shirt as a handkerchief.

“See, she likes you!” Caroline squealed.

“I swear that cat is boy crazy,” Jade said. “She’ll take attention from anyone, but if there’s a man around, she’ll ignore every woman in the room.”

“I’m really more of a dog person,” William muttered.

Well, that explained it. Liz liked dogs too. And cats and rabbits and ferrets and rats. Also monkeys, lemurs, red pandas, tree kangaroos, otters, elephants, dolphins, and just about every other animal.

Except for people. She didn’t always have a high opinion of them.

Liz scooped up Lydia. “I’ll distract her for a while. It looks like your drinks are here.” She jerked her chin toward the door as Dustin came in with a tray.

Lydia squirmed and meowed, wanting to get back to pestering the handsome man. Lizstrode to the far side of the room and deposited Lydia on top of a cat tree. “Behave yourself,” Liz muttered. “You don’t want a guy like that anyway. A dogs-only person!”

Lydia sat up and began grooming, ostentatiously ignoring Liz.

Liz huffed out a breath. “Don’t bother making yourself pretty for some man. If he doesn’t adore you at your worst, he’s not worth it.”

Blurb:
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a fortune should donate to a cat rescue.

Overworked PhD student Liz takes a brief break at the local cat café with her friend Jade, who wants to start a special needs cat rescue. Jade pitches her idea to Carl, who is in charge of corporate giving for a rich local family, and sparks fly between the two. Liz is happy about her friend’s potential romance but less impressed with Carl’s best friend, William. He seems stuffy and rude, and worst of all, he doesn’t like cats. Meanwhile, William is intrigued by Liz even though every one of their interactions seems to go awry, in part due to his terrible cat allergy. For the sake of their friends and the animals, the two figure out how to get along–until Liz learns some horrible facts about William. But is she trusting the right person? Then the feisty kitten Lydia disappears–perhaps stolen–and they have to overcome their differences in order to rescue her. The Furrever Friends Cat Café helps people find furry forever friends–and just might lead to romantic love too. This Pride and Prejudice modern adaptation features fresh twists to delight both fans and new readers.

Bio:
Kris Bock writes romance, mystery, and suspense. Her Furrever Friends Sweet Romance series features the employees and customers at a cat café. Watch as they fall in love with each other and shelter cats. In the Accidental Billionaire Cowboys series, a Texas ranching family wins a billion-dollar lottery. Can they build new dreams and find love amidst the chaos? In the Accidental Detective humorous mystery series, a witty journalist solves mysteries in Arizona and tackles the challenges of turning fifty. Learn more at KrisBock.com. Get a free 30-page story set in the world of the Furrever Friends cat café when you sign up for Kris Bock’s Romance and Mystery newsletter. You’ll also get a printable copy of “22 recipes from the cat café” and a freeAccidental Detective mystery short story with bonus material. Kris also writes a series with her brother, scriptwriter Douglas J Eboch, who wrote the original screenplay for the movie SweetHome Alabama. The Felony Melanie series follows the crazy antics of Melanie, Jake, and their friends a decade before the events of the movie. The series starts with Felony Melanie in Pageant Pandemonium. Sign up for their romantic comedy newsletter and get Felony Melanie Destroys the Moonshiner’s Cabin. Or find the books on Amazon US or All E-book retailers.

Handling House Hues

This week: What color is your house? Did you pick the color? If you changed it, what color of paint (or stain) would you pick?

Fortunately, I have not had many choices.

That even sounds strange to me, considering I used to love to try to control things. I found it was a childhood post-trauma thing, but many choices were taken from me or I relinquished them for the ‘greater good’ and it is for the better. (I am detail-minded, though, and it did me well in work, creative or not.)

However, I grew up in rented homes. When I got married, The Husband already lived in the downstairs of a house in “Little Italy” with our ‘elderly’ landlords upstairs. (I am now several years older than my landlady was!)

We moved to an apartment owned by the large family of a fellow teacher. The land it was on had been her grandparent’s farm where her father grew up. She had also recently been married and was moving from the little place to one closer to her new job and her husband’s. Most of the land had been sold for large apartment buildings on three sides, but this was a little oasis, surrounded by trees. The family house was in front, down a long drive, with the apartments behind it even farther. The building has been converted into five very, very small apartments, with a workshop in the middle of downstairs.

One of our friends called it “Grandma’s House”, another called it “The Gingerbread House”. Both the house and the building were dark wood with shake roofs, and they were absolutely adorable. The insides of the apartments were almost tiny, but we made it. I had both of my sons there, but soon afterward, The Husband’s school moved and we were offered a deal where we could live in the house on the property that, again, had been a farmhouse. This was brick. There were plans to renovate the very large downstairs, but the upstairs was very nice, (very nice) and we had more than enough room. In fact, one of my brothers-in-law moved in with us for a while. (Two under 3 and a 17-yr-old, plus a husband working two jobs …don’t get me started!)

Although the school moved again, we did not want to be under any obligation to the new owners of the property, so we moved to an apartment. A student’s mother, with whom we were friendly, had just gotten her real estate license and told us that we should look into buying. Once in that apartment, we knew it was not for us. We looked around; the housing market had just jumped, so we opted to split the difference and consider townhomes. One was really nice with a rock facade and each looked different, which I really liked. However, it was small and we would have no outdoor space of our own, only one small balcony.

Another was a 4-plex condo which was really beautiful. It was very dark wood and lovely, but again, not much space. There was a patio we MAY have been able to enclose, but I had two preschoolers and frankly, to buy something where other folks were walking overhead was bothersome.

The last looked terrible on the outside. As one neighbor later put it, “We live in army barracks “. The garages were in the front; I asked if we were in the back. I did not even want to go in. The realtor said, “We’re here now, let’s look”. It was in a better suburb than the others had been, and the complex was on private streets. She opened the door and said, “You’re going to love it!” I did. It was beautiful inside. We had three levels, 2 1/2 baths, and our own privacy fence surrounding a large deck, plus ground for the kids to play in with room for a swing. Wrapping around the property was another privacy fence with lots of greenbelt, and across the street in the back, there was a park with a playground. It was wonderful, even the garages in the front gave us extra privacy, but I had no say in the color. It was all plain, with light blue trim. I was not happy with it. Fortunately, a year later they painted and decided on a dark, rusty-red colored trim and I loved it! I grew accent flowers the same color.

We sold the townhouse when we moved 2200 miles here, and we rented an apartment while we found a house. I wanted a traditional, one-level brick house and got one. Only the triangles above the side door of the house and the garage can be painted. They were white, which I kept, and whitewashed the cinderblock garage the same color they had all been. There are white metal pillars on the front porch. It is all good.

I don’t know if I will always be in this house, but as of this September, we will have had it for thirty years. The metal faux shutters are black and in good shape. The upkeep is easy on the outside and that is why I wanted a brick house in the first place.

Frankly, I think deciding on a color and living some time with the consequences would be hard for me. I guess I have been lucky all around.

I Wanted Natural Colors

[But We Couldn’t Handle the Labor & Expense of Re-Doing It Every Five Years]

By Jeff Salter

Topic: What color is your house? Did you pick the color? If you changed it, what color of paint (or stain) would you pick?

The house I (mostly) grew up in – in Covington [LA] during the late 1950s to late 1960s – was white tongue-in-groove. It had been hand-built – on pier and beam – by the previous owners, probably in the early 1940s.

From that point, I lived in a sequence of rentals, including: an apartment over a carport, a duplex, a small cottage, a small house, in a large apartment complex, in my grandmother’s former house (painted gray), in another large apartment complex, in a rental house (painted white with brick veneer about one-third of the way up), then the first house we ever bought (white fiberboard siding).

Starting in 1980, we lived briefly in an old array of duplexes and these, also were white siding, as I recall. The house we bought in Bossier City LA – where we lived for nearly 26 years – was brick veneer all the way up to the eaves. The only way you could tell it was BROWN was on the two-car-garage door, on the fake window shutters, on the walls of the tiny enclosure around the front door, and on the fascia, trim, and soffit (i.e., under-hang). That house had a hip roof, so there was very little exposed surface that needed paint. Once it did, however, my wife and daughter painted it a CREAM color.

When we moved here to KY in 2006, I lived for about 15 months in the ancestral farmhouse (built in 1925) which was yellow fiberboard… and has since been covered with insulated yellow vinyl siding. When we built, nearby (up on the hill), I wanted our house to display some of the colors of the woods and fields on this acreage… so we began with a forest green roof and log siding which was stained a light tan. We selected the lightest (most natural) stain among the proprietary Sikkens selections. But it was too light to hold up to the elements, so we later re-stained it a much darker brown. Finally – tired of the expense and labor involved in power-washing and re-staining it so often, we installed insulated vinyl siding which is a combination of two shades of green, with tan trim.

This view is after the original (very light) natural stain had begun to degrade and you could already see some of the discoloration. It saddened me to see it in a much darker shade — and, ultimately covered with insulated vinyl — because the upkeep was so expensive and labor-intensive.

Choices

The other part of the question relates to choices. I let my wife pore over the endless array of colors and I just chime in once she arrives at the final two or three that she can live with. Frankly, I should admit that I don’t pay too much attention to house colors. Colors for interior walls are much more important to me.

Question:

Do colors loom large in your assessment of – or comfort in – houses?

[JLS # 689]