I’m sure my mom has a sense of humor, but when it comes to hilarious stuff from my childhood, my dad is more likely to be involved. However, I’m sure my kiddos have plenty of ammunition to bust me with when they visit me in the nursing home and embarrass me in front of all my friends. (I envision it as kind of a reverse high school cafeteria situation, though I’m not sure the food will be much improved.)
Apparently I’m quite the source of amusement for my kids. I didn’t ever think I was mockable until I had kids. As a teacher, I suspected my teen students would find something, anything, to tease me about, but they went pretty easy on me based on what got back to me in the teacher’s lounge. However, my children wasted little time. They ratted me out nearly as soon as they could speak.
Anyone who has ever ridden with me can tell you I have little patience with stupid drivers. My children are no exception. One time, we were going through downtown Jacksonville on our way to check out the progress on our new home construction. My husband was the one driving while I was in the passenger seat. My kids were three and four at the time. (The third kiddo was not even a thought yet.) We were stopped at a red light. (Because in downtown Jax, you will ALWAYS get trapped by a red light.) Eventually it turned green. I’m sure it took longer than I wanted, but since I wasn’t driving, I kept my mouth shut. We were a few cars back, so we had to wait for the ones up front to start moving. Suddenly, the most annoyed-sounding voice ever to come from a child safety seat in the back of a minivan goes, “The light’s green. Go cars, go. What are you waiting for?”
In my head, I’m going, “Wait. I’m not talking.” But that was the EXACT SAME TONE I would have used had I actually said that. Meanwhile, my husband does this slow, head turn towards me and is biting his lips to keep from laughing. I give him my best I-have-no-idea-where-they-would-have-learned-that look, but I am totally busted. I mean come on! Who’s he gonna believe? Me or someone who can’t even blow their own nose without help? (The runny-nosed munchkin won out.)
I’m not the only one in my family who has suffered from this kind of Mom-busting. My older sister’s boys did the same thing to her. My older nephew asked me who Bill Bennett was. I thought it was a game, so I said, “I don’t know, Brian. Who is Bill Bennett?” At which point he would have told me all about Bill Bennett if he knew. He didn’t, and then proceeded to continue asking me who Bill Bennett was, because by golly, that four year old was sure his Aunt Micki knew the answer. If only I had a smartphone with Google on it back then! After quite a bit of this, his younger brother finally pipes up and says, “Brian! She doesn’t know. So quit askin’ ‘fore I wring your neck!” Pretty threatening coming from a two year old! Exact same tone my older sister had used on me when we were kids. My sister apparently specializes in neck-wringing. Or at least the threats of it.
Now that my older two are teenagers, they take great pleasure in picking on good ol’ Mom. And my youngest isn’t too far behind. My daughter keeps threatening to record me while I’m driving. Something I’m sure she’d use to amuse her friends around the cafeteria table. My oldest son, who is in the autism spectrum, is my most honest child. He calls things as he sees them. He could use a filter sometimes…especially when it comes to stupid stuff Mom does. I’m so glad to be a source of entertainment for my family.
And just in case you think you don’t have any quirks or idiosyncrasies, just round up a few teenagers. They’ll point them out to you pretty quickly. I’ll even loan you mine.